People are often unfulfilled by the choices they make in their lives. The reason for this is that everyone has insecurities, no one will ever feel satisfied with their work, what they create. They fear the judgement of those who are close to them and those who are strangers. The reason this fear is created is because society norms are imposed on us. Societal norms are a set of guidelines that are commonly followed, shunning those who do not follow those guidelines.
Societal norms affect our everyday lives because they make us insecure and influence us to do things that we normally would not do. De Botton expands on the idea of insecurities when he speaks of his insecurities of traveling. He fears that his ignorance of a new territory will result in torture from those who are native. His fear comes from his loneliness in his own territory, where he feels that traveling will make him feel better but was let down by the amount of humiliation that came along with traveling.
Gopnik talks about insecurity when it comes to his daughter Olivia. Olivia, deep down, is insecure of rejection and is experiencing it through an imaginary friend named Mr. Ravioli. Mr. Ravioli represents the common New Yorker which means he is usually busy and has no time for her. This is reflected upon her father and most of her father’s peers, from which she first experienced this fear. Olivia’s imaginary friend is created because of her lack of human connection. Her loneliness has caused her to create an entity to keep her company when no one else can.
Malcolm Gladwell fears the corruption of modern day activism reflected in social media. He pines over the past where he learned of bold, brave stories of activism, but fears that our modern generation has butchered it because we are a lazy generation incapable of fulfilling the eccentricity of the past generation. These three authors all have been affected by societal rules. De Botton believes that the rules imposed on him are too restricting that he cannot maneuver around them. He thinks the possibility of humiliation is more important than enjoying life.
Gladwell’s perspective seems to fabricated to what society wants him to think. He believes what the community wants him to believe and does not seem to see past the popular viewpoint that social media is harmful. Both Gopnik and his daughter struggle to have their own lifestyle because the average lifestyle inflicted on them too great that they do not know how to interact in a community any other way than the way they know. Gopnik states that “Busyness our art form, our civic ritual. ”(160) Busyness becomes a “ritual” because they automatically do it.
They do not realize their busyness because it has been a part of them forever. Theses societal restrictions have prevented these authors from having normal human connections. They feel the need to satisfy others than satisfy themselves. In De Botton’s “On Habit,” de Botton states that we “approach new places with humility”(62) because we are afraid of what we are about see. The reason we make the choices we make is supposed to be for ourselves, but people tend to do things to please others. That is why we are often unfulfilled because we do not get the reaction we are looking for. e Botton dreams of traveling but would prefer not to because he does not want to be humiliated.
De Botton states that “we meet people who have crossed deserts, floated on icecaps and cut their way through jungles-and yet in whose souls we would search in vain for evidence of what they have witnessed. ”(65) Here, he describes the mindset that people envy those who travel and have great experiences. Traveling should not be about envy it should be about discovering a new area and learning. If de Botton would just travel without any insecurities, he would find that we would be happier.
This helps make connections with people because when you eliminate your insecurities, your confidence grows and human interaction becomes more bearable. It is easier to make connections with people without feeling the need to please them all the time. In Malcolm Gladwell’s “Social Media: Why The Revolution Won’t Be Tweeted,” Gladwell speaks of his fear of the modern generation. He fears that we will not fulfill his preconceived notions of a revolution. “Decisions are made through consensus, and the ties that bind people to the group are loose. (Gladwell 139)
Gladwell believes that social media ruins activism because people on the Internet are cowardly hiding behind their laptop screens instead of facing issues head on. If Gladwell would learn to use social media he might find that he will like it. When Gladwell tells the story of someone who got their phone stolen and through social media, they got it back. This shows “the ease and speed with which a group can be mobilized for the right kind of cause. ”(142) If he spent less time criticising those who use the internet, he might be able to make more connections with people.
He isolates himself from those who use social media because he believes he is greater than them. The reason he has all this bitterness built up in him is because he never gave this generation a chance. His lack of faith is us has left him lonely and unable to connect with people. The reason for his hatred of this generation’s devotion to technology is because it is normal to think that. A popular notion among the public is that technology is ruining the human race. It is a societal norm to believe this. This shows how society can affect people’s judgement.
De botton expands on this by states that we, “temper our curiosity to fit in with the expectations of others. ”(64) He is stating that we would rather be like everyone else than risk discrimination for being different. In Adam Gopnik’s “Bumping Into Mr. Ravioli,” Gopnik’s daughter, Olivia, sees an imaginary friend named Mr. Ravioli. It was originally thought that Mr. Ravioli represents Olivia’s brother, Luke, who is normally absent. But Mr. Ravioli actually represents her insecurities of connections with people.
She fears of rejection of people and thus created this imaginary friend. Mr. Ravioli also represents her rejection from her father because he does not spend enough time with her. Since her father does not have enough time for her, she created this imaginary friend to fill in the gaps of her missing father. A connection with her father would prevent her from having issues mentally where she would feel the need to recreate a friend in her imagination. The way she is going to learn about betrayal and disappointment is through her imaginary friend rather than through a human.
Olivia’s father deduced that this had to do with location and managed to find new places like New Jersey, that would not have the same personality as New York. The average New Yorker is “fit, opinionated, and trying to break into show busyness. ” The idea that a New Yorker has an “average” lifestyle, not original to themselves, is an example of how a community may become too alike that they do not leave any room for originality. The reason that Olivia could not see Mr. Ravioli as anything else besides an average New Yorker is because she grew up believing that that is the only way to be.
Subsequently, Olivia’s father still believes that “Olivia still hopes to have him [Mr. Ravioli] to herself someday”(Gladwell 160) because this is her “habituated mindset. ” De Botton speaks about the habituated mindset and that one becomes accustomed to a certain place or idea and do not feel the need to change. Olivia does not see what is wrong with her viewpoint of Mr. Ravioli. She believes that he is trying the best he can and that he cannot help who he is. The point is nothing will ever be good enough for humans, we will always be striving for more because we feel that what we have is not enough.
We become too scared when it comes to making choices. We ask for other opinions to verify that we are making a good choice. This is due to the fact that we feel the need to satisfy the societal norms that are imposed on us. We never feel like what we have will bring happiness. There is no way to fully prevent these insecurities, the only solution is to live with them. We have to learn to live with them so we can create connections with people because without those connections we become isolated and it changes who we are as a person. Connections with people help us learn and grow and become a better person.
