p. 59, #3 “What draws me to practicing NVC? ” What is it that I deeply wish for in my life and in this world? I want to have better relationship with my family and friends by practicing NVC. Also, I realized that practicing NVC will not only change my life, but also change families, neighbors, and this world. I learn that my efforts to practicing NVC can be a start point to change the violence society. p. 65, #2 – Forms of life-alienating communication, and give an examples.
A. Moralistic judgments: “The problem with you is that you’re too selfish. “She’s lazy” – Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, omparison, and diagnoses are all forms of judgment. B. Making comparisons: comparisons are a form of judgment. – starts to feel miserable, blocks compassion, both fro oneself and for others. C. Denial of Responsibility: “have to”, “You make me feel guilty. ” One language obscures awareness of personal responsibility. ex) office talk, bureaucratese #3 – It’s the author’s belief that our analyses and judgments of other human beings are tragic expressions of our own value and needs. I have a friend who I don’t like, and even I don’t want to talk with the person.
Since I don’t want to talk with the person, I express y hatred by ignoring the person. My hatred mind toward the person is growing by avoiding talking to the person. When I meet the person in a class or in a way, I have just passed, and pretended the person is not there. Behind my ignoring, I intended that “I am angry at you” or even “I don’t want to talk with you. ” After I reflected my intentional action, I realized that I am ignoring because I wanted to teach the person realizes what the person did first. I am doing the action because I wanted the person know how it feels when the person became the position.
When the person started ignore me, I wanted to hear from him hy the person did, but I couldn’t. Definitely, I want to change my action because my action makes myself have hard time to hate somebody. However, honestly, I don’t want to open my mind first because I tried a few time and it didn’t work before. I don’t be hurt myself anymore. However, if I choose to keep ignoring the person, I know it will keep bothering me all the time until I graduate. Communication Example of observation with evaluation mixed in Example of observation separate from evaluation
1. Use of verb to be without indication that the evaluator takes responsibility for the evaluation. You encourage people all the time. I have always seen you compliment people. 2. Use of verbs with evaluative connotations You are picky. You are only eating a few foods. 3. Implication that one’s inferences about another person’s thoughts, feelings, intentions, or desires are the only ones possible He will not allow me to go my friend’s house. My dad doesn’t like me to go my friend’s house at night. 4. Confusion of prediction with certainty. If you don’t exercise, your health will be bad.
I worry that your health is going to be bad. 5. Failure to be specific about referents. He will die early. I ave not seen he did not smoking. 6. Use of words denoting ability without indicating that an evaluation is being made. She is the smartest person. She got honors scholarship. 7. Use of adverbs and adjectives in ways that do not indicate an evaluation has been made. She is different. I don’t understand her personality, and I don’t want to be a friend with her. #5. When I was waiting in line at Chipotle, I observed the people who were in the line.
I saw their clothes and evaluated them. Some people wore business uniforms and some people wore professional suite. I guessed the people are working near the estaurant. Also, I wondered that how many times they have Chipotle lunch. Chapter 4. p. 82 #6 I chose to be born with feelings. I believe feeling is connected with the spirit. If I do not have feeling, I cannot know God and understand the others. Furthermore, since I have a feeling, I can know about myself, too. For example, if I don’t feel that I am sad or happy, I cannot know what I need, and that is just like a robot.
Chapter 5 (p. 88-89) #7. a. Autonomy: When I have to choose the high school, my parents made decision the school instead of me nevertheless I wanted to go the other school. Also, when I decided to go seminary, my parents still wanted to make a decision in my life. b. Celebration: When I got admissions from the seminary, my parents didn’t celebrate it with me. c. Integrity: I have one year older sister, and my parents wanted me to be like her so when I was young, I had not felt self-worth because I compared myself with my sister.
d. Understanding from others: Since my parents wasn’t Christians, my parents did not understand my spending time at church and they wanted me to find another community for improving my study or social relationship rather than church. . Understanding of others: I blamed one of my friend after I heard the other friend’s story, but there was misunderstanding between them. Also, I realized that the other friend talked about the story only on her side, so I learned the importance of listening both opinion. f. Community: When I a leader of praise team at church, I suggested an idea and planed but my opinion was rejected because of the short of time.
It was okay that my opinion was rejected, but I was frustrated by some people’s attitude that they even did not listen my plan. g. Peace: WhenI elt fear from a judgment by my senior pastor, I really needed peace but the feeling of fear was huge on me so it was hard to get out from fear and get into peace. #8. Stage1: emotional slavery – we believe ourselves responsible for the feelings of others. When I lived with one of my friends who is changed her feeling often, I had always tried to make her feel better, and check her feeling everyday. Since we shared a room together, I couldn’t ignore her at all.
Stage 2: Obnoxious stage – We become aware of the high costs of assuming responsibility for others’ feelings and trying to accommodate them at our own xpense. During a few months, I kept trying to make her feel better when she was feeling not good. However, I realized that my feeling was controlled by her feeling and it was getting stressful because I had to sense her mood everyday. Then, hatred came into my mind and I started to hate my friend, but I didn’t share what I felt with the friend. Stage 3: Emotional liberation – We take responsibility for our emotional and actions.
My stress was exposed one morning, and I talked to my friend “stop. ” My friend was surprised and I talked everything I had been hard time because of her emotional changes. Also, I told her I am not going to care her changing feeling anymore. The NVC Process reminds me of prayer process. Observation – feelings- needs – requests. I do not know how others pray, but the NVC Process is the same as my prayer process. I wondered that why this process only works for the relationship with God for me. I thought about two reasons. First, I pray with the process unconsciously. Second, since I respect God, I talk to God as best as I can.
To pray unconsciously with the NVC process could be interpreted that the process is the natural way to have a onversation in a relationship not only with God, but also with people. I wonder that this process could be the best way to reach and have a relationship with people. Thus, it would be great to remind the people of the process of prayer at churches, especially, for education department at churches. For children, to have a relationship with God is good way to learn how to have a relationship with friends, family, and neighbors. As teaching the process consciously, the people can learn NVC process naturally from the church.
When people pray, all the people know that God is the higher han any others. The people have a respective mind when they pray to God. I believe the respective mind also change the attitude of conversation. Therefore, I believe I need the respective mind first toward the person who has a conversation with me for the NVC process. This idea reminds me of Matthew 25:40, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. ” We may need to remember this passage when we have a conversation with others, and remember what I say, God’s words, and who I talk, God’s people.