Should a person ever believe that they were cursed? Well this was my belief before Chadwin was born. As a teenager on a summer revival night, our pastor called all the young childbearing girls to the front of the church and had us vow that we will never become pregnant before we were married. Being of age where I understood everything he asked of me, I did exactly what he asked. I devoted my life to God and vowed to never become pregnant before I was married. As a young adolescent I became pregnant twice and miscarried both.
When Chadwin’s father and I married in the year of 1997 we became pregnant after three months. We were so excited to be having a baby, my husband longed for a girl and I really didn’t care what the gender was as long as it was healthy. One night while lying in bed, I began to bleed; I was so afraid that it was happening all over again. My husband rushed me to the emergency room and I was examined and stated that I had miscarried again. We were devastated that this curse was still lingering with me. I was scheduled for an ultra sound the next morning to confirm the doctor’s suspicion.
When he entered the room my stomach twisted in knots awaiting the horrifying news. He expressed to us that there were two embryonic sacs and one was empty, and I was indeed still pregnant. Not comprehending the fact that I could have been possibly pregnant with twins and one was miscarried, I never questioned what he had just conveyed. I was just excited to become a mother. The following months I read “what to expect while you are pregnant” daily, questioning his every movement and growth. I couldn’t wait until his due date.
I can remember just staring in the mirror wondering why I wasn’t as huge as some other pregnant women I recognized. We took every precaution even enrolling in birthing classes, learning breathing techniques and what to expect when you’re in labor. I contemplated that day would never come. The morning of August 3, 1998 I began having just a pinching sensation in my belly that proceeded to my back, and I started timing them. I wasn’t too excited because he wasn’t due until another week or so. The pain would increase, so we gathered our things and left for the hospital.
I can remember it being so hot, when I arrived they asked my husband and my mother to take me out to the lake and let me walk the baby down. I wasn’t trying to hear that suggestion so they took me to the Super Center where everyone could see me in agonizing pain. I bitterly told them that I wasn’t a showcase and I wanted to leave now for the hospital. After collecting cross-word puzzle books and snacks they did as I asked. I laid in the hospital bed for hours clueless to ask for pain medication, I thought that if you were having a baby they knew to medicate you.
Finally, they gave me a small amount of sedative to calm me, I became highly sedated, my eyes closed, my tongue grew heavy, and I was clearly aware of my surroundings but could not speak. In an attempt to let my husband and mother know that I could hear them, but was unable to speak to them, my speech was slurred to the point that they both started laughing. That made me laugh but my laughter was so loud and uncontrollable that the nurse came in and told me that I was disturbing the other patients. In an attempt to stop laughing, I started to cry just as loud as the laughter.
Another five hours passed and Chadwin was born weighing 8 lbs and 3 ozs. My baby was here! At that moment I became overly protective, wanted him with me at every moment. Chadwin was a fussy baby and crying every chance he could, we would run the vacuum just for him to stop. Chadwin’s name was chosen out of a baby’s name book. I can remember as soon as I saw it, I knew that this would be the perfect name for him. It meant intelligence, success, and independence. Although my family thought that it did not suit a child of the black race, Chadwin was unique and it didn’t matter what they thought.
He was a smart child, at the age of two I purchased our very first computer. I didn’t have a clue about computers and neither did my husband. Weeks later, trying to teach myself how to power this thing on and off, I had Chadwin in my lap the entire time. I would change the screensaver, which was about all I could do with a little help from the owner’s manual. One day I was getting ready for work and I came to the computer just to play around with it, and my screen saver was changed, so I asked my husband if he had changed it and he let me know quickly he did not touch the computer.
The next day the start menu was moved from the bottom of the screen to the side, I asked my husband again if he had moved it and he said no. Well the third day after getting ready for work, I caught Chadwin standing on the chair with his pacifier in his mouth moving the mouse with one hand and pressing keys with the other. I became furious thinking that this little guy is going to break this new computer, I immediately told him that this was bad and he was not to mess with mommy’s computer.
Well the fourth day he was on again but this time my screen saver was changed to bubbles, so instead of yelling at him I sat him in my lap got back to the home screen and asked him to show me how he got the bubbles on the screen. I was astounded by what this child showed me, his little fingers grasped the mouse and clicked on the start menu, then control panel, screen-saver, and bubbles. I yelled for my husband to come in, we went through this entire motion repeatedly whenever family, and friends would come over.
We started to buy him children software for him to play on the computer, before he could even read; he would install the software himself and master all the games. This led to multiple learning software and games within weeks. Throughout the years, Chadwin became bored with computers and software, and devoted the majority of his time to video gaming. If I could turn back the time, I would have never introduce my child to the gaming system. He is a remarkable young man, but gaming does detach a child from society. He has grown to be Ma’s baby and he hates when I call him that in public. He was my baby then and he is my biggest baby now.
