Denise and Jose were a lovely couple that most of their peers admired. Instead of jumping into a relationship, they actually prepared themselves first by implementing social exchange theory to their relationship. The process of balancing the advantages and disadvantages of a relationship (O’Hair et al. , 2015, p. 193). Dating each other for three years, Denise made sure to reward herself by being instrumental into making living arrangements with Jose.
By going this route, she wanted to ensure herself that their relationship can go beyond the level of friendship, which started off as a close caring relationship between two people that is perceived to be as mutually satisfying, beneficial, and supportive, in order to build companionship (O’Hair, p. 184). As both of them mutually agreeing to still be their own individual, their interdependence inevitably crosses paths. In most cases, mastery isn’t perfected the way Denise and Jose went about it. Jose was the one who initiated that they should be monogamous with each other.
He also made sure their romantic relationship had attractive qualities that naturally fitted towards each other to ensure they’re perfectly matched. Without proper preparation, most relationships fail because there’s no foundation from the beginning and people rather jump straight into a relationship and settle for the cliche on going phrase, “I’m just going with the flow. ” As the two finally settled down (by getting married) Denise starts to muse about whether their marriage was a mistake. Not sure if this is common to newlyweds but the cost of it is certainly not to be overlooked.
Looking back on it, their preparation before getting married can lead you to think that their marriage would be a sure thing. A success. So how could this be happening? Well, unfortunately Denise thinks otherwise, therefore conflict within their marriage comes to the light. Conflict is a negative interaction between two or more interdependent people, rooted in some actual or perceived disagreement (O’Hair, p. 214). Denise’s inaccurate perception of her marriage led her into becoming avoidant of the situation with her husband Hose.
Avoidant is a conflict style that is not expressed, with your own needs and goals, even if you have a grievance (O’Hair, p. 228). As lose comes home from work (late), Denise paces the living back and forth. Waiting for him to come in so she can fuss at him. As soon as Jose walks into his home, immediately Denise blurts out “we need to talk. ” Jose surprisingly agreed by saying “ok. ” At this point, the two are now in conflict management, which is the way we engage in conflict and address disagreements with our relational partners (O’Hair, p. 228).
Clearly Jose notices his wife has something on her mind so he asked her, “What is it? ” Denise confesses that ever since they’ve been married, Jose has been finding excuses to stay out more and more without checking in with her. Although, they both mutually agreed to have separate interdependence, the fact that Jose is being mindless of the situation, is weighing heavily on Denise’s mind. Along with Denise’s inaccurate perception, their marriage, her thoughts seemed all over the place. She’s at the stage where the declining state appears to be relevant.
Uncertain of how to form her thoughts, Denise cuts right to the chase and blurts out to Jose, “I feel like you don’t want to be married. ” Amazed by this comment, Jose replies with an emphatic “What? ” Denise ongoing disclosure continues with elaborations explaining to Jose about why she feels a certain way. Jose’s way of being supportive is to stand there and listen to what his wife has to say. Listening is vital to any type of relationship. Whether it’s online, (via skype, facetime, or etc. ) social, or in this specific case romantic.
Listening provides value because it’s a multidimensional process of recognizing, understanding accurately interpreting, and responding effectively to the messages you hear (O’Hair, p. 152). Usually so to speak, sometimes we listen to people say what they have to say. Some listeners actually listen, and some let it go into one ear and out of the other. With relational partners, there’s a thin line between listening and hearing. For example, Women commonly argue more than men. Not to single women out or anything but it’s natural that women gossip more than men.
Therefore those engaging in discussions is indeed in their likelihood. Not all but some like to nitpick certain things that make men agitated or may find irrelevant. In the same way, men make women agitated because of their passive aggressor’s attitude towards the situation. Men don’t like to initiate an argument. They’ll likely find a way to solve it if anything. In this case of listening, Jose is being attentive of the argument of him and his wife is sharing by the act of listening fidelity. The process of our thoughts being matched by another person’s thoughts and intentions through communication (O’Hair, p. 155).
Men being the natural born leaders, always find a way to overcome obstacles presented to them. Jose being the one who initiated this whole arrangement of them becoming one, uses ethics of listening to compensate his wife’s misunderstanding of their marriage. Evidently, on Denise’s behalf, she feels their marriage has shifted because of the fact Jose is never around, claiming he’s been bombarded with work. As one, Denise feels Jose should ease up and let her know his whereabouts. That way, the she wouldn’t feel alone or even worried about him or the sake of the marriage. Yes, assumptions are inevitable within a relationship.
In order to overcome ones relationship problems or marriage, they should enact within one another and engage in a face-to-face conversation, which can be beneficial because it allows the interconnections to have a deeper meaning instead of using other forms of communicating such as: texting. Furthermore, along with this face-to-face communicating, Jose and Denise should look for reconciliation as a recommendation that will help save their marriage from destruction. Using reconciliation towards their marriage, “will repair strategy for rekindling an extinguished relationship (O’Hair, p. 207).
This strategy is used in many relationships around the world. While in a relationship adversity is common. If you and your partners are having problems, don’t continue to argue and make matters worse. Seek help. Remind yourself that this is only minor and you can find remedies to repair it such as: High affect- which is when partners resolve to be nice and polite to one another and possibly remind each other of what they found attractive about the other in the first place (O’Hair, p. 208). When Denise and Jose shared their difference, he reminded of her prior to the three years they were dating, on how her problems grieved her.
Jose was there listening and consoling her by his supportiveness and companionship. Easily, their relationship got back repaired. Simply put, relationships are like scars. In due time they’ll heal if taking proper care of them. Moreover, another recommendation that seeks to repair relationships is productive conflict. Seen as conflict that is managed effectively (O’Hair, p. 215). Normally, when we see conflict we automatically think somebody has done wrong and as if, there can be no good out of the situation. Wrong!
Although conflict is highly regarded as a negative, it can also be regarded as a positive. Besides who wants to have a “perfect” relationship? How is that even possible? Honestly, no relationship is perfect. If you’re dating a “Yes man or woman” do yourself a favor and get rid of them. All relationship is designed to demonstrate and show affection. Included with that, you can’t steer away from constructive criticism. In due time, you’ll have to face it one way or another. For instance, only six weeks into her marriage, Denise felt that her marriage was in jeopardy.
If she wasn’t able to voice her opinions, misunderstandings or assumptions to her husband Jose, who knows where their marriage would of went. She demonstrated the love style called pragma because she was committed, a practical lover and wanted answers. Within the conflict they both endured, it turned out to be productive. As both finally gotten over the stage of addressing their differences, they showed signs of growth in order for them to move forward. Denise and Jose finally resolved their issue of what their ideas of marriage should look like.
They both remain married, thus making them unanimous of being able to save their relationship. In conclusion, being in a relationship is not easy. Yet, being in marriage is a job of its own. Without any proper preparation, your relationship will fail. Now, I’m not saying be perfect but at least figure out each other strengths and weaknesses, what makes you attracted to each other and other factors in that nature. Don’t just hop into a relationship because it feels good. Develop a friendship with that person, be supportive, and make yourself an integral part of his or her life.
That way, if you see yourself wanting more than friendship, becoming monogamous will be a smooth transition for you both. You two already established a foundation just like Jose and Denise did three years prior to their marriage. Now, be mindful that arguments are going to be a common occurrence within your relationship. As stated above, there are lofty ways to help repair your relationship. Same way provided to help Jose and Denise’s relationship, will certainly help yours. Always remember, your marriage is sacred. So enjoy it and be the best spouse you can be.