It began not with a knock but a whoosh as the door opened and my mom poked her head in. What was going to be a nice morning cuddling Aaron quickly became a panic as we realized what happened. My mom was just happy I had a really close friend to be anything but overjoyed when I asked if he could stay the night. Teens dating did what teens do that night. What could’ve been a nice morning of going to school holding hands was quickly shattered in this moment. Have you ever had a moment that changed your path? This was one. My lock always had a about a fifty fifty chance of working.
It wasn’t the best but my parents weren’t going to fix this easy access into my privacy and I didn’t have a job to fix it myself. My mom looked in and was about to say a generic good morning when she saw us tangled into each other. Thankfully as we slept the blanket still preserved the modesty on us but to anyone was obvious what happened last night. She quickly closed the door and went about the morning routine without a word. As soon as it was closed we quickly got dressed as the fear and panic set in. I have always assumed my family would be accepting.
I mean I have read stories about what seemed like normal families showing their true nature as soon as a family member came out. Yet I have also read about the opposite where after realizing a family member is gay they come around to accepting after doing some soul surfing. This was supposed to be a good day and it looked like it was going to go downhill. I kissed Aaron before we left my room to calm his nerves before we headed to the bus. It didn’t feel like a coming out and if anyone ever ask me to this day I say never I came out.
My parents found out and the school just assumed when I was hanging out with one of the most open gay kids in school. Personally I like it this way. To say coming out of the closet didn’t feel right with me. To me it wasn’t my first gay relationship; it was my first relationship that happened to be gay. I feel like we sometimes like to put too much pressure on when people come out. I remember a kid that celebrated it and remembered the date. Meanwhile I can’t even remember the season it was when this all happened. We sat on the bus discussing what happens now.
He has been wanting me to tell my mom for a while now but not like this. I remember specifically thinking about how from an outside perspective my life was heading in one path yesterday and a new path today. I couldn’t go back from this now. I may not have made the decision like an adult, but I would face the consequences like an adult. His hand interlocked with mine and I felt confidence. If I got kicked out when I got home or if I got a hug I would be prepared for either. The school day I felt antsy. I still had radio silence from my mom.
No good news no bad news. I felt like I was in third person playing out all the scenarios in my head. I knew my mom loved me. She has shown it many times over but would this be enough to change the tide? Then near the end of the day before I got on the bus Aaron called me over. My head had mostly moved on from the morning and began thinking about what we would be doing this weekend. I think I may of been thinking of going hiking but I can’t be sure. At this point we have been dating for about 3 months and I was head over heels.
I suppose everyone is at that time in their life of between being a kid and being a teenager. We met by complete accident in another moment where my path switched to somewhere new. We were at a choir workshop and it was my first year singing. Because I was new to the class and didn’t know anyone, I sat near the teacher during lunch making awkward conversation about the workshop and the weather. Aaron sat about 2 feet away talking to his own friend completely off my radar. Until one of his friend commented about how my eyes looked golden because the sun was striking it at just the right angle.
I eventually joined their conversation and we talked the rest of the way home on the bus. Little did I know 3 months later he would break my heart on this hectic day. I don’t even remember the words he used or what I even stuttered back in a reply. I just know that in one moment I had a boyfriend and the next I did not. A moment of happiness switched to sadness in a fraction of a second. I don’t remember how the conversation ended. I just remember walking stunned to the buses. I knew if I could just hold myself together till I get to the back of the bus I would be fine.
I sobbed in silence the whole way home. The feeling as I turned the doorknob was blank. I was all cried out. I sat on my bed till my mom would be home from work. Each minute felt like a second and soon enough I heard the door open. My house creaked as I heard my mom walk towards my room. I began to mentally prepare myself. She came in sat next to me and asked ? So you want to tell me what’s going on?? ?Aaron and I were dating,? I replied ?Oh,? she replied at a loss of words? Well how about some ice cream to dry those tears?? It was then that I knew it would be alright.
