I feel the most related toward Conrad. As he has problems with being social and has some built up anger from over the years. To me Conrad plays a roll of a person who fights and struggles. Not with just his friends and other people, but with his family. Conrad feels apart from his mom as do I, for me my mother neglected me when I was younger and paid more attention to my younger brothers. And I feel how Conrad felt when his mother didn’t visit him in the hospital. That same neglect, that made us feel alone. It made Conrad and I feel like we were the only people in the world.
And hated everyone for it, that is why it was hard to talk to people. The loneliness made him and I awkwardly anti-social. Him and I had to put on fake smiles for people just so they won`t come up and ask what`s wrong. Conrad had a sense of self damnation; he felt like he had to punish himself for stuff, “I feel bad about this! I feel really, really bad about this! just let me feel bad about this! ”, he just felt he had to feel sad all the time. As where I can relate, where I felt that I had to be doing something wrong to feel this bad. So I must stay like this until I feel okay, but never do.
The sadness and loneliness never goes away. It all stays with you and soon enough you start feeling nothing inside you. As if you were a hollow empty shell of a human being, just waiting for something to fill it. And when Conrad meets prat and they date, she starts filling in that hole. Just enough that he doesn`t have to feel that pain anymore and doesn`t have to feel alone, but that hole will always be there waiting for something to happen. If something was to happen to Conrad while that hole in him is filling up, as would it would happen to anyone.
The repercussions would mean a relaps on his mental health. And even if it`s an illusion it`s better than snapping, “Depending on the reality one must face, one may prefer to opt for illusion. ” This is where i can sort of relate, cause i`ve been in situations where the relationship wasn`t real. And this made me realize that even if you can fill it with something, even if its fake. It`s better than being so gloomy and in a miserable state all the time. That is why i`m relating to Conrad cause everyone has a bit of darkness, but at the same time they can be caring and happy. o i write what is real and Conrad is as real as they come to suiting just about anyone. Do to the fact everyone has gone through a hard time in their life. I have gone through hard times with people dieing and not being there for the time of need. That is a major part where i think me and Conrad can relate, cause he didn`t have his mom close to him and neither did i, but the difference in our story is that i never tried to take my life or ever will try because i know i`m stronger than that. I will never take the easy way out. aking the cowards way out for the weak. And that is something I am not, and that’s being weak. I will take pain and i have taken alot from other people, physical and mental abuse towards myself. But there’s also the difference in him and I; I take the pain to make me stronger and a better person in the life i live now. where as Conrad just couldn`t stand the pain of losing his brother, but i got news for him, he`s not the only one to lose a family member tragically. Everyone has lot some one to something.
And there is no room or excuse to blame yourself for what happened, because it has happened to just about 90% of the entire world. So all i can say is tough it out and it will get better, because life is like a roller coaster, it has it`s up and downs and some times it will throw you for a loop. But at the end of it all you will be glad you got through it. That is where Conrad and i can see eye to eye, because both of our lives have many loops and up and downs in it. That`s how i relate to Conrad as a person that can tough it out when push comes to shove in life.
And if i could say one thing to Conrad it would be, “don`t worry this roller coaster gets better, just tough it out and you`ll make it. ” Even if the ending is the scariest part about someones life journey, on this one crazy ass roller coaster. The only thing that anyone gets from that roller coaster is that they get one satisfying thing to say and that is “I made it. ” And when the time comes i will say those`s words, and I know that it will be worth it; because i faced my fear and got through one hell of a roller coaster.
And I think Conrad would feel the same way towards my feelings and would agree that sometimes, the loops are the scariest parts of it all. especially when those loops involve someone dieing, who is super close to you as a brother and a friend . nothing is worse then that but all you can think is why they got to get off the roller coaster early. and why you get to stay and that soul purpose of that is being able to say those`s words you had been waiting for, saying “i made it. ” And that`s why we keep on living through our roller coaster.