MY FATHER’S WILL is a compelling family drama. The plot is extremely engaging. The idea of hiding a body and covering up a murder offers the plot and the characters a strong moral dilemma. The tone is consistently dramatic. The story is driven my solid themes about family, reconnecting, forgiveness, and healing. Moreover the script poses the moral question of how far does one go to protect family if a crime has been committed. The plot easily engages and maintains the interest of the audience. The goal is clear and the stakes are both high and personal.
It’s not just about going to jail; it’s also about destroying a family or strengthening a family. The story also offers a small ensemble cast and each one of the characters feels very distinct and complex. There’s an identified central character in Rachel. While one really likes the plot, even in every good story there are areas that can be re-examined for possible revisions. First, the story opens a bit slow with Rachel and the phone call from Amanda. There’s nothing wrong with the scene, but it’s just not the type of opening that immediately grabs one’s attention or hooks the audience.
Thus, consider an alternative opening scene that provides for a stronger hook and immediately makes the audience pay attention. Or perhaps open with the parents and the mysterious ride and seeing Harry throw something away. Even provide a visual of something with blood on it. There’s a strong inciting event with the reveal of the body and the challenge to help Harry get rid of the body. This poses compelling moral decisions and it’s this dilemma that drives act two. It’s very engaging to watch as the characters struggle with their decision whether or not to help their father.
Like Rachel, one senses that there’s more to the story and this creates nice anticipation and suspense. There’s an interesting turn of events when Michael shows up and wholeheartedly supports dumping the body. The dumping of the body also provides for good tension and a solid midpoint. The confession by the mother about her affair and the shooting is a strong pivotal plot beat, although it should be noted that the audience probably already suspects that affair. It’s challenging to be able to make this a really compelling twist. However, that’s fine.
The death of Harry is another intriguing event, however, this is also where the story begins to become less absorbing. It’s definitely workable, but the confession by the mother doesn’t feel satisfying and it actually dilutes the tension. On as small note, it’s a bit unclear if the mother told the police that it was Harry, alone, who dumped the body in the water. Consider what if the father didn’t die and the police showed up and the parents began to contradict each other, and then Rachel and the other siblings had to step in to help cover up for them. It would be a similar scene to the current scene, but with both parents.
The conflict between Harry and Liz would work well in a scene like this and then showing Harry touch and support Liz, as a symbol of forgiveness would visually be pleasing. It’s just a creative choice, but something to consider. In addition, the ending VO by Rachel doesn’t feel as if it fits. The story is so engaging that the VO doesn’t really do it justice. First, it would benefit the script to have “bookend” VO if they are going to be used. Meaning, open first with a VO and then at the end include another voiceover. The way it’s structured now, makes the sudden VO feel out of place.
Moreover, it’s the substance of VO about how siblings can be different that doesn’t engage. The more engaging element of the story is really about the power of family and how far one will morally go to protect family even if it means compromising one’s values. The VO about siblings being different doesn’t have a powerful message, but family sticking together does. The characters are distinctive. Each one is complex and flawed, but the audience cares about them. Rachel is the most serious and responsible, and thus, the situation gives her the most emotional struggle.
Her resistance is good. She stands by her convictions about not helping with the body, but at the end she rises to the occasion to protect her mother. She’s likable and one roots for her. It’s not entirely clear why her father saw her as his favorite. The “will” that gives everything to her is interesting. Rachel burning the new will nicely conveys that her family being a united family comes first over individual interest. Zara is very distinctive. She clearly wants attention and she almost begs for it from her father. She feels neglected and she wants to impress her father.
Her secret about her job, however, isn’t a strong reveal. Adam has a secret about his life. He also wants to impress his father, but he’s more driven to help his father for the financial gain. Michael is very animated. He’s refreshing and stands out. He’s clearly a bit reckless. His voice reflects his personality. The mother has a strong secret about Graham and the murder. As mentioned, the affair probably won’t be a major twist, but the addiction to pills is intriguing and adds another depth to her character. Harry is well established as being controlling and gruff.
His anger drives his character. He’s complex. His vulnerability adds a nice touch when he wants forgiveness. He’s an intriguing character to watch. Family “reunion” scripts require complex characters with compelling secrets. So it might benefit the script to give each one a personal secret that drives their action. One “job” type secret is fine, but both Adam and Zara’s personal issues feel a little too similar. The other area to examine is dialogue. It contains both strengths and weaknesses. The dialogue on pages 7, 13, and 41 feels a bit weak.
The dialogue about “Uncle Graham” not being their real uncle is repeated too many times (if the intention of repeating this is supposed to sound mocking or convey dark comedy humor, unfortunately, it’s not really working). The mother repeating to Rachel to not drive at night isn’t needed. On the other hand, there’s nice subtext, “Sometimes you just have to jump in,” and this is what Rachel does at the end. The overall tension works best when deciding whether or not to help the father, the scene on the lake, and when the police come.
There are certainly other ways to elevate the tension, like a neighbor showing up just when they are about to move the body or some evidence lying around when the police show up and they have to hide it. Again, if the father were alive, or if the mother didn’t confess, the tension would work much more effectively as the audience fears that the police will discover the truth. At this point, the audience wants them to get away with murder, not to confess to it. The script is professionally formatted. In summary, consider some of the suggestions, but overall it’s an engaging plot that merits consideration.
