Dear Brandon and Ashely, A big congratulation on the recent engagement. Marriage is a big role and there are a lot of moving pieces. Communication is a very vital role in any relationship Recently I have taken a class on interpersonal communication. It has shown me that with communication it will help fix situations if communication is used properly. The class has shown me that communication is a two-way street and not only do you have to talk but you have to be able to listen to your partner. Communication will help resolve many issues that may occur during your long and extensive marriage.
Thave been married 8 years and each day is a new challenge and honestly after taking this class it has helped my marriage tremendously. Thave seen your love grow each and everyday and I know that this will enhance your marriage. Best of luck to the both of you. Ashley and Brandon, throughout your relationship, the true person in each of you will come out and you will soon see exactly who one another is. Everyone loves to play games with one another. A game is a dysfunctional way of communicating and is a negative pattern of interacting that will happen between two people (Sole, 2011).
Though playing games can be positive and negative, you want to make sure that your relationship is solid with communication. Playing games can also be detrimental to building an honest, open communication in a relationship. (Sole, 2011) Once your game is over, the dysfunctional portion of the interaction will end when one is very angry or upset. We all know that silence is golden sometimes, but in a relationship, a long period of silence can do some damage to your interpersonal relationship. (Sole, 2011) In relationships, e tend to turn to silence when we are mad or hurt, es when we are not able to communicate our feelings, so we punish our special someone with the silent treatment. When we refuse to talk with someone, it means controlling the other person or exerting power in a relationship. (Sole, 2011) When you want to break the silence it is best that you acknowledge the other person and discuss the issue of why they are upset or hurt. This way, you know how they are feeling and why they are feeling the way they do.
Silence sometimes gives the other person a time to gather their feelings and cool down, but then silence can be a bad thing. Brandon, placating sometimes can keep you from rocking the boat with Ashley. If you give in to her demands, be overly nice, letting her have her way, taking the blame when things don’t go so well, and going above and beyond are ways that some people do to just to please the other person. When Ashley is upset or angry with you, it is best that you placate with her because placating can keep you in a safe situation.
However, placating is not a good long-term strategy for building a great relationship because you will be covering up how you feel. Ashley and Brandon, throughout your relationship, you will both begin to see each other’s true colors start to show. Everyone loves to play games with one another. A game is a dysfunctional way of communicating and is a negative pattern of interacting that will happen between two people. (Sole, 2011) Though playing games can be positive and negative, you want to make sure that your relationship is solid with communication.
Playing games can also be detrimental to building an honest, open communication in a relationship. (Sole, 2011) Once your game is over, the dysfunctional portion of the interaction will end when one is very angry or upset. In life we realize, that we have a lot that deals with selfconcepts. In a relationship, you need to figure out what you want to establish so that you can create a better self-concept of yourself. Self-concept is an important mediating construct that facilitates the attainment of desirable outcomes. (Moller and Pohlmann, 2010) In more words, self-concept is how we perceive or believe about ourselves.
There are 3 self-concepts: Self-image, self-esteem, and ideal self. Ashley, I know you have had some problems with self-image. Self-image is what you see in yourself. When you or I look in the mirror our self-image is affected by what we hate seeing, and that is our body image. Getting over the fact of how you look will only get you to be comfortable around Brandon. If you are not happy with what you look like, but Brandon is you need to leave it, but you can always make it better by exercising and eating healthier. When looking into that mirror, you want to ask questions of “Who Am I? and you will get 4 types of responses: 1) physical description, 2) social roles, 3) personal traits, and 4) existential statements. (McLeod, 2008) Brandon, we both know that you turn yourself down when you are around others. Your self esteem is really low when others around you have accomplished more than you have. Selfesteem is the extent to which we like accept or approve of ourselves and how much we value ourselves. (McLeod, 2008) You need to boost your self esteem because that will show Ashley that you are not afraid of anything getting in your way.
You need to stay positive and not worry about what others think about what you have and not have accomplished. If you always worry about what others think about you, you need to just keep your head up high and keep moving forward because I know you are doing your best. Ashley and Brandon, we all know that in any relationship that listening is one of the most neglected communication skills that there is out there. We tend to open our ears just to the things we want to hear not the things that are actually important. In a relationship, it is important to pay attention while listening to your special someone.
Paying attention means that you are listening and attending to the speaker, you must be able to shut out the external noise, silence your internal noise, disregard any distractions, avoiding making sudden judgments, and you must resist temptation to interrupt the other person. (Sole, 2011) We all know that it can be hard for someone to pay attention. Brandon, when Ashley is speaking you need to pay more attention to her. Critical listening should be when you focus your attention on hearing, understanding, and remembering pieces of information that you may need later on. Sole, 2011) know I get upset when I talk to Lesley and I know for a fact that when I am telling her something important she doesn’t really comprehend what I am trying to tell her. When a female is talking, you need to critically listen to your special someone so that you get what they are trying to tell you and not have to guess later on. Ashley and Brandon, when it comes to listening to each other, we need to understand that we all need to keep our ears open for one another even if we do not want to hear the other person. When we listen to each other, it is called empathic listening.
Empathic listening is when one should demonstrate a willingness to be nonjudgmental and listen openly to the speaker’s thoughts and feelings. (Sole, 2011) Ashley you should know that men like to talk about things that women do not want to hear most of the time like talking about our cars and how we can fix them up to take them mudding. And Brandon we as males know that us men do not like to hear women gossip, so it is a fair play between both parties. Brandon and Ashley, emotional intelligence plays a big role in a very effective relationship. Emotional intelligence is a set of skills that can be learned.
You can increase your awareness of emotional issues and improve your ability to identify, assess, and manage our feelings with emotional intelligence. (Davis, 2011) Brandon I know that in your workplace, emotional intelligence is assessed. As a project manager, we observe for emotional intelligence. When assessing, it shows significant relations with interpersonal relations. I can say that as a project manager, emotional intelligence is definitely important to assess in any relation whether it be in the workplace or in your love life. Now, let’s focus on certain differences in your relationship.
Ashley we know that your family has strong values and have their mind set on you marrying a rich white man. Instead, you had the courage to have relations with an African American. We know your family was a little upset, but keep in mind that some cultures are different than others. I do, though raise my hands up to you for taking the stand against your family values and followed your heart and found the man of your dreams, Brandon. We know that culture is a set of traditions, beliefs, values, and norms of behavior that have been passed down from generation to generation. Sole, 2011)
Brandon, you are a very outstanding person and understood the values of Ashley’s family. Ashley and Brandon, in your new engagement I just want to say that no matter if you are a female or male, there is no dominance that goes on. Yes, most people say that the men wear the pants or vice versa, but in a relationship, gender goes both ways. Both men and women hold strong opinions about whether such differences actually exist; we tend to question some of the research and fear that statements about gender differences will be interpreted to mean that women must change. Sole, 2011)
We all know that no one has more power than the other and that if one person needs to change both people need to make the effort in the relationship to change what is wrong with it. It cannot just be dependent on one person because in a relationship it takes two people to do the tango. Brandon and Ashley interpersonal relationships are very dependent on how one communicates with one another. If communication is not there, then the relationship may not be effective. Listening to the other person will get you to greater heights with your loved one. Being able to understand the other person is also a great key to good communication.
Working hard on communication in your relationship will build a better and stronger relationship. Communication whether it be verbal or not, is still key in a good relationship especially if you want it to continue on having a strong bond. Now Brandon and Ashley, I wish you guys lots of luck in your relationship and I hope that you learn from the advice I have given you. I know that at the beginning of my relationship it was a little difficult to deal with the other person especially if I just picked and chose what I wanted to hear. I know communication is key, so keep it up and keep what you are doing going.