Statement of Intent: Everyone has heard the story of depression before. Many people in today’s society glorify or say it’s a form of attention. Over 10% of Americans suffer from depression and 1% are between ages 10-18. It’s common to see this in lives of teenagers, it’s common to hear their suicide story, but not as common to understand why. But what’s hardest to understand about suicides, are why the happiest people are the ones who commit suicide. Through the story that theme is explained vividly, even the happiest of people are struggling to conquer demons within.
The main literary tools I used were: conflict and dialogue. The narrative goes between Averie’s suicide letter to Elena’s, describing how both battled depression and hid it with fake happiness. Leading to days that got darker for them, leading to the biggest conflict at the end, their deaths. Dialogue played a big part too because there’s unspoken and spoken dialogue. Unspoken dialogue was seen when, Averie and Elena used words not directly spoken. Instead everything they needed to say was written as an inaudible goodbye.
The spoken dialogue was by the mouth of Elena’s mother reading the suicide notes at their funeral, giving the untold story, a told one, that you’d wouldn’t believe happy people had depression. Description played through the narrative, from describing the life and depression of the girls, to describing their final moments. Which leads to the imagery that’s used to help envision the pain and downfall of the girls. The plot emphasizes pain and grievance; pain is through Elena and Averie’s lives that were told in their letters. To the grievance of a friend loosing a friend and a mother loosing her daughter.
The mood of the story doesn’t really change, if anything the dreary beginning, leads to an even more depressing ending. Thope this story can open eyes; that not everything’s as it seems. The people who laugh the loudest, are the kindest, and ones who smile the brightest, are probably the ones hurting the most. I hope to give readers a new understanding, that happiness isn’t always genuine. Untold Story: The Happy Faces of Depression Through the sixteen years I’ve been alive, there is an endless array of words that could describe those years.
Happiness, bliss, love, thrill, fear, heartbreak, but there’s one word that stood strong beneath each of those, depression. It’s sad to think, that what everyone had failed to see was, that behind that smile of mine, was a darkness with so much depth it engulfed me. The only one who had ever known was the girl that was like a sister to me, Elena. We battled depression together for years, she was the one who won her battle… I did not. I couldn’t, it’d become the taunting, negative voice that kept me up every night and the one that’d scream at me everyday.
The tears that’d stain my pillowcase and the reason I hid behind a mask since I’d been ten years old. Slowly everyday that truly happy girl everyone would know, became the happy girl everyone knew. Only if they had known, I couldn’t ever figure out why it’d cloud my thoughts, kill my happiness, and take complete control of my life. But no one would ever know, because I was able to go through those days with a smile so bright, no one would question if I was okay or not. The truth is I wasn’t, everything inside of me was tumbling down and shattering.
The sunlight vanished yet again from another day, just beyond the horizon. As the cool of the nighttime swept over me, the moon glistened and danced among the twinkling stars. But it was only when night hit, darkness enveloped not only the world, but it enveloped me as well. My emotions were the sun setting and the night that rose without fail, because at the end of a day where I’d been as cheerful and bright as it was, night came back and filled me with a darkness you couldn’t see, but instead felt everything.
Those poetic words, used to be so carefree and truly happy, but those days had been long gone, along with a mel used to know. I struggled to stay afloat for the past ten years, like the girl I called my sister, Averie. I’d told her I’d won my battle to give her hope that she would too. But I’d continue to smile through the pain, not only to keep Averie smiling, but to avoid the eyes that’d feel sorry for me. I stopped going to school, I couldn’t force myself out of bed. I’m sure no one noticed I was gone. Elena was the only one who’d come to see me and ask if I was okay.
I’d always reply, “I’m just tired,” or “I’m not feeling good today. ” I’d never force myself to smile anymore, because I’d break down crying again. I felt so worthless, it was beginning to feel like I couldn’t hold on anymore. I missed the happy girl who was always looking for adventure and had a bright outlook on life, what happened to her? She was long ago silenced by the empty scream my pillow would silence every night. Staying up until three in the morning used to be something I’d live for. Partying, hanging out with friends until the early morning.
But those too were silenced by sleepless nights of nothing, because the nightmares I dreamt about evolved into reality. But in a sick way, the darkness had been the one place I’d feel peaceful. There were no lights, no sounds, no emotions, and when I’d scream those silent screams, the darkness never judged. I started to feel the depression take over me; mind, body, and soul. I never felt hungry, or thirsty, any emotions long ago left me; I just felt numb. That wasn’t a way to live, there’s nothing but a hollow shell that was once my body, now only occupied by a lifeless soul.
Averie hadn’t been to school in weeks, but I saw her everyday to make sure she was okay. But the truth of the matter was, she wasn’t. I could tell her depression was taking over, the life in her eyes was gone, her smile was nonexistent, and her voice didn’t sound like hers, it was empty. The realization of Averie not being there one day, was becoming just as real as the nightmares | had every night. I couldn’t tell anyone what her or I were going through, because I always got the same response, “It’s never as bad as you think it is,” or “It will get better.
Both were lies and no one could ever realize that, the days had worsened and the nightmares became real. Today I accepted this was my last sunrise and the last sleepless night I’d feel. I’m tired of voices shouting in my head that I’ll never be good enough and I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m going to miss my family dearly, I know I never told anyone I was depressed but this past month has been my downfall. I couldn’t explain to anyone how it felt to wake up everyday with no sense of purpose and having the will to live taken away from you without reason.
I’m tired of crying over nothing and having weakness bring me down. Elena, my true friend, you were there through everything and I will miss you deeply. But please know I’ll be in a better place, you can do more for this world than ever could. I am so sorry. Yours eternally, Averie. Thadn’t heard from Averie at all that day and I rushed over to her house as soon as I possible. I knocked at the door, but no one answered, frantically I used the spare key and pushed open the door. I screamed Averie’s name, but no response came. Iran upstairs and heard frantic shuffling and someone crying.
That’s when it all happened in slow motion. A loud bang made a piercing sound through not only the silent house, but through my ears, echoing. As I opened Averie’s door, I saw her body landing on her bedroom floor. With a pistol in her right hand and her suicide letter in the other. The scene’s one I didn’t want to remember but permanently see when I close my eyes. All I’ve heard since Averie’s death, was that her suicide was selfish. But you cannot ask someone who’s lived a miserable and painful life, to live because you don’t want to be the one hurting.
Averie was one of my closest friends and life hasn’t been the same without her, my depression’s worsened, and all I can say is she is the one no longer hurting. I’m tired of crying, of trying to fight off my depression and the images of seeing Averie’s lifeless body in my arms. Or the way her face was peaceful when everything around her, including myself, was destroyed. I cannot do this anymore, to my family and friends I’m sorry, but | thought I could defeat depression. But this tragedy too away the reason I kept fighting. Love, Elena. “I would’ve never imagined that my daughter Elena and
Averie were depressed, they were always the light of everything. Both had a future going for them, straight A students, athletes, and close to finishing their junior year of high school. Both had too many family members and friends who loved them and fall back on. One death right after another, and neither will be an easier to get over, I speak for both our family and Averie’s. Sharing their letters at both of their funeral would make it easy to see why they did this and not to blame anyone, especially them. We’ll miss them both terribly.
