The Novels written by E. L. James and Stephanie Meyer glorifies the male dominance role over women . “ Fifty Shades of Grey” and “Twilight” highlights society’s passive attitude towards male chauvinism towards women. The novels give a false sense of security in men ,while women are seen as weak and insubstantial in making decisions. Society gives a false impression that wealth and looks makes a persons actions justified. It glorifies the lack of maturity in a person , while it places people into a dominant and ]submissive role. How do good looks and wealth persuade women to want to be in a controlling relationship?
According to Dr . Miriam Grossman “ Christian Grey gets pleasure from controlling and hurting women in bizarre ways” . she goes on to say “Anastasia is an immature girl who falls for Christians looks and wealth and foolishly goes along with his desire’s”. In the real world this story would end badly with Christian in jail and Ann in a shelter or a morgue. Good looks and wealth play a big role in relationships but especially in dominant and submissive relationships . In most literature and media the male character is portrayed as highly successful, wealthy and good looking , which in turn makes society believe that these types of relationships are acceptable.
What exactly is Bdsm and why do dominant and a submissive relationships play a role in the term Bdsm. Bdsm is a relationship that can be any type a of relationship you want, it dosent have to be a dominant and submissive relationship to be bdsm. A dominant is a person who wants control over every aspects of their and their partners life. According to the website “Dictionary. com” a dominant is ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence: dominant in the chain of command.
Submissives are described as weak, non controlling, quiet and obedient in the Bdsm world. According to (Kim Debron) who is a submissive herself “A submissive is a person who makes a conscious choice to give up some or all control of her life to another person” How do men and women get into dominant and submissive relationships? Men and women get into these types pf relationships by either curiosity or their significant other has made a conscious decision and wants to partake in these types of activities and take on the responsibility of a dominant and submissive relationship.
A dominant and submissive relationship consist to two consenting people who agree on a direction for their relationship . They will agree that one of the partners will take a dominant role in the relationship while the other will take on the submissive role. The roles are not bound by gender men and women can switch roles, whether it is a man being dominant and a woman being submissive or vice versa. Someone is giving up is giving up the power, which can easily be influenced. Typically women are easily persuaded by wealth, good looks and the fantasy of romance.
Novel like “ Fifty Shades of Grey” and “Twilight” feed into in to that idea with a false sense of romanticism and male dominance, the odds of meeting a Christian Grey or Edward Cullen that have no issues or an Anastasia steele or a Bella swan willing to accept the submissive role are realistic, could lead to domestic violence or an unhealthy relationship. Some people find these controlling Dominant/Submissive type of relationships intriguing or pleasurable. I think women find these types of relationships appealing because something has happened in a their life that would make them want to give up control and in some cases gain control .
A submissive person typically wants to give up decision making , control and let the dominant take care of the submissive . A Dominant is intoxicated by someone who is willing to trust , while a submissive is intoxicated by being able to surrender their control and accept the dominance that is being held over them . An example of this is from “twilight” Edward says “Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell”. The question that is posed with these dominant/ submissive is what crosses the line between domestic abuse or sexual gratification .
There are different views on what crosses the line in a Dominant /submissive relationship. In the book “Fifty Shades Of Grey”, Christian Grey says “there’s a very fine line between pleasure and pain there are two sides of the same coin”. Everyone has different limits on what they can do and what that specific person sees as stepping over their boundaries. Usually when someone feels uncomfortable and they are in pain and your dominant partner is not stopping that is normally when abuse is called into play and you have to take measures to protect yourself.
If the partner is hurting their partner physically or emotional its time to take action . If someone has not asked for any type of dominant and submissive relationship then the submissive or the other partner should rethink their relationship and explain how they are feeling with their significant other or they need to leave that relationship so they can move on to something healthier . There are people who prefer and seek out dominating relationship . I think what causes people to be in a dominant relationship is that they get to give up control and not worry about what going on their life.
This is especially true when the dominant person has money , because the dominant is able to take care of the submissive but also giving the submissive the satisfaction of taking care of everything and giving the submissive sexual gratification. Male dominants usually go into a relationship based off of what feels right when they meet the submissive. While some submissive people feel the need to submit others give the excuse of inheriting the feeling of wanting to be dominated.
An example is watching in these roles growing up, According to Sean Lind from the website “real men drink whiskey”, Dominants take on the burden of responsibility so it frees her up to do nothing more than experience and enjoy being at there beckon call. She can entirely shut off her brain, and submit. The truth of submission is in her submitting to herself, letting her need for control go and becoming entirely free What is considered a healthy relationship in the world of Bdsm and dominant and submissive relationships .
A healthy Dominant and submissive relationship is when two people have a boundary setting relationship with complete trust, honesty and understanding of expectations of the relationship between partners with good communication. Keeping communications lines open will help the relationship stay in tact. The basic foundation of a good healthy dominant and submissive relationship is consent and strong desire . Strong communication is also a big factor because it gives the opportunity to be able to speak up on the problems in a relationship .
Also the responsibility on the Dominant and the submissive which is to love unconditionally and for the submissive to always obey the dominant, trust and obedience is a two way street . What are the characteristics in a dominant and how do these qualities become over bearing? Dominant’s are decisive and assertive but also command respect but not by demanding but by earning it. They are also communicative because they have to be able to have a healthy relationship so nothing can go wrong and be misunderstood. A Warrior Princess Submissive seeks not just a Dominant; she seeks a Dominant’s Dominant. ”
Michael Makai, The Warrior Princess Submissive. Equality is also very important in a dominant and submissive relationship because a Dominant can not dominate over a submissive that is weak because the submissive is just as strong as the dominant considering that she is the one that is willing to give up the control but In the process of that she is gaining the power over the dominant. There is a process of getting out of a Dominant and submissive relationship when things go bad.
Dominant and submissive should be able to leave their relationship without any harm coming to them whether it’s physical or psychological. Most people make the decision to leave after a period of time. The choice to leave should be communicated and not abruptly but the way to star leaving is by preparing yourself . If a person wants to leave they should discuss their feelings and set limits. If the relationship is violent, they prepare by saving money , gathering important documents and finding a safe place to go to.
