I take a look through the bars at the last sights of a world that has gone very wrong for me. Can it be theres some sort of error? Its hard to stop the surmounting terror. Is it really the end, not some crazy dream? Somebody please tell me that I’m dreaming. It’s not so easy to stop from screaming, but words escape me when I try to speak. Tears, they flow, but why am I crying? I don’t believe that there is never an end to the nightmare. Humans never stop to think what the consequences of our behavior will be.
We go about day after day, too preoccupied with unimportant things that we never stop to think what the result of our irresponsible actions will be. We have not jet come to realize that life is like a pond, cast a stone into the water and you wont prevent the ripple effect. For the crime of grand auto theft, I hereby sentence you, to 7 years in the state penitentiary. The guards approached, handcuffed Alex, and took him away. The judge made his decision and there is no turning back . Alex, would be spending seven years in jail for a foolish decision he made trying to impress his friends.
Alex could only think off how he would not be able to do all the things he loved to do. For years, he had enjoyed car racing and his biggest passion consisted of rebuilding old cars. I brought out the beauty in something that was just sitting there, Alex stated with a big smile on his face. How could Alex imagine the horror that awaited him behind the stone walls of prison? How could he imagine that within the stone walls he would become just another victim of rape? Alex could not have expected that while in jail he would be viciously gang raped.
Nothing in the world could have prepared Alex for the burden he would carry for the rest of his life. It was about fifteen years ago that I was sentenced to seven years to the State Pen. Those years are the years that I have tried and will continue to try to erase from my memory. I suppose I should tell you how I got myself into this horrible mess. My friends, or so I thought, Alex stated with an almost sad smile on his face, dared me to steal a police car parked right out side a shop we were all in. Stupidity overtook my senses and I decided to go through with the dare.
In my time, one had to prove his so-called manhood anyway possible. I walked over to the police car, brushing my hair on both sides with my comb. In his youth Alex, had dark hair, that made his blue eyes stand out from a distance. His body, not to muscular, stood out about 511. He portrayed the typical young adult he thought he was. How could Alex have known that in the next few minutes his life would change forever? I leaned up against the car and took a quick look around to see if anyone was watching me.
At a distance Alex could see the faces of his friends behind the glass windows of the shop across the street, urging him to go through with the dare, still remain in my head. I picked the lock of the door, and I quickly sat down. Just as I was about to drive off the policeman arrived. Alex was order to put his hands where the police officer could see them. Of course, at this point Alex found himself with out any friends in sight. The events that followed are like a foggy cloud to me, Alex stopped as if trying to remember. I remember the feeling my stomach had going into the courtroom.
As I walked inside the courtroom, A nasty feeling of seasickness took over my body. Every thing seemed to be moving, just as it would if you found yourself sailing out over the ocean. I arrived at the State penitentiary early the next morning, Alex said making a great effort to remember thing just as they had happened. Tugging at his shirt, as if playing a childs game , Alex said, The guard gave me a shirt and pants. A second guard walked Alex over to a small room, where as Alex remembers a dog could have slept there. A middle-aged guard, who was just about the only friend I made during this time, asked me why had I done such a stupid thing.
To tell the truth even I didnt know what I was thinking when I decided to go through with the dare. Later that same day the guard explained to Alex how things would change in side that horrid place; put nothing could prepare Alex for what happen to him that horrible night. I remember being thrown to the floor, Alex stated in a soft voice, with his eyes fixed on the floor. It was confusing to say the least, to see five tall, stocky men looking down on me. I never would have thought in a million years that they would take from me the only thing I thought no one could, My manhood.
Alex stood up, supporting himself on his cane, and walked to the window where he raised the curtain stating, There is nothing like a warm, sunny day, ha? This question, followed by a long silence, was later broken by the gruesome confession of a rape victim. The assault lasted for two hours and every minute that went by seemed like an eternity. Alex ran his fingers through his snow-colored hair, and still his ocean blue eyes remained fixed on the floor. There is nothing in this world more horrible then being raped. I, Alex stated in a firm voice, would never wish it on any one.
A part of you is taken that you never get back. Something that they take from you, that you never knew you had until they took it. I know I left a part of me in that old prison cell, but the problem is that I dont know how to get it back. Alex stared out the window, looking out at something that only he could see. Shaking his head, as if waking from a nightmare he Went on to say, I really do love this weather. Once again a long silence followed. All at once the memories of that night returned to weigh down Alexs soul. He could not bare it and his face was a true witness of his pain and sorrow.
Alex sat in silence like a lifeless display in a store window. Thirty minutes had gone by, perhaps the longest thirty minutes of Alexs life. The shadows he had chased for so long had once again returned to haunt him. He continued, right were he had stopped before the tape ended. It was five of them he said, and at that very moment the number five seemed to be the largest number in the world. Just like preschool children do when they play with their toys, they all took turn with me. I cried, kicked, and screamed, but nothing made them stop.
I felt hopeless, unable to defend myself from those beasts. Without knowing it, Alexs eyes were full of tears. He had tried to keep his emotions in, but he had failed. There was just too much bottled up inside him to keep from exploding. People talk about getting over it and being able to go on with ones life, but that doesnt happen. Every minute of every day I think about what they did to me. The thought never leaves my mind. I cry alone, of course, because they say men should not cry. Women, victims of rape, have more support then men do. Its hard for men to say that some one raped them.
If you think about it, its all a part of living in this society, a society that says men should be the strong ones. Still, to this day, I try to live my life without bringing back the ghost that haunts me. Its impossible, the burden is like a set of chains around my ankles. At times I think I will die with the chains following me to my grave. No matter how much time passes by, what they took from Alex in that cold room will never be returned to him. I will continue to live and some day die with the full knowledge that the nightmare will forever follow me.
Alex took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his face. Supporting himself on his cane, Alex limped across the room stating, I need some fresh air. The nightmare he lived while in jail to this day follows Alex. The sadness he carries with him cannot be described or understood by just anyone. Only a rape victim can truly feel the pain Alex has in his heart. A stupid decision changed the life of Alex forever. The consequence of his foolish action will forever scar his body and soul. Time will come and go, but in his mind, life ended the day he became a victim of rape.