In all cultures and societies, only women can be thought of as \”sluts\” or \”whores\”, never men. Women are universally condemned even for the hint of promiscuity while it’s almost accepted behavior for men (e. g. , only women were stoned for adultery, not men). Many contend that culture is to blame for the double standard, but maybe only indirectly in a subtle way… There’s simply a fundamental difference in sexual libido between men and women in general.
As one comedian put it, \”when women think they’re horny, they’re like men are when they aren’t even thinking about sex! \”. The obvious difference is that male lust is activated and fixated visually on the stereotyped female physique (large breasts, wide hips, long legs, buttocks and a pretty face); it’s comparable to the \”hunger\” inspired by the sight of food. The mere sight of an attractive woman alone is enough to sexually arouse a man- erection and feeling of sexual lust- within seconds.
Sexual intercourse is also extremely pleasurable for men because of the sensitized nerve endings of the penis; and most men can quickly achieve orgasm within a few minutes (followed by a period of refraction- loss of sexual appetite- and exhaustion, which is why men fall asleep after sex). To be blunt, sexual lust is a fundamental drive in men with priority only after thirst, hunger, sleep, health and physical safety. For women, though, sex is more like a \”hobby\”.
Now certainly, many are greatly enthused and even fanatical about their avocations (dancing, golf, jogging, surfing, skiing, tennis, stamp collecting, etc. but there can be no real comparison between enthusiasm for a hobby, say, and genuine thirst for water. Certainly, women appreciate \”good-looking\” men (and women); but women don’t lust visually for the male physique. In men, after puberty, male hormones activate a part of the brain that is attuned to the female physique. Women have the same part of the brain too, but if activated, it’d be focused on female anatomy too. So if women were to lust for anyone, it’d be for other women (which would happen if they had sufficient male hormones).
But female sex hormones don’t produce an equivalent visual lust for the male physique; in other words, women simply don’t lust for men or desire sex as men do. It’s never been a case of women \”teasing\” men, i. e. , withholding sex from men while secretly wanting it just as bad as men do except in escapist (male fantasy) pornography. So the \”Hugh Hefner\” philosophy that \”nice girls desire and enjoy sex as much as men do\” is simply untrue, but it’s a convenient philosophy to have in order to justify philandering.
Women are sexually \”aroused\” by physical stimulation- foreplay- a long process (15-20 minutes) compared to a few seconds for a man. The sight of a naked man simply doesn’t \”do it\” for women; compare the sheer overwhelming # of porn magazines of nude women vs. Playgirl (widely read by gay men); or the number of female prostitutes to male prostitutes, who mostly cater to a gay clientele. Also, in popular entertainment (escapist fantasy), women physically desire and enjoy intercourse as much as men do, but this isn’t true.
For one thing, the vagina doesn’t have nerve endings comparable to the penis- at best, intercourse is painless with sufficient lubrication. Furthermore, nearly all women are incapable of achieving orgasm via intercourse alone- the clitoris is the female equivalent of the penis, not the vagina. Women require approximately 20 minutes of direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, so most women can only orgasm via masturbation or oral sex. And yet, some men believe women enjoy \”rough\” vaginal intercourse; or are \”begging for it\”- i. e. , want to be raped. This is just a delusion like paranoia or egomania.
Many men also want to have a large penis (presumably so they give increased pleasure to their female sex partners), but I think men want it more for their own sake and self-esteem. Women can, of course, enjoy sex (just like we can all enjoy a swim or a walk in the park), but not with the frenzied desperation of men. I really think they mostly enjoy the close physical intimacy of hugging/foreplay; and, of course, they desire and enjoy orgasms too. But for women, orgasm is more of a \”mechanical reflex\”- a physical response to clitoral stimulation (it’s more impersonal than for men).
It’s like throwing up by sticking your finger down your throat vs. seeing a repulsive sight. (Sex is far more visual for men. ) Because of this difference in libido, men tend to view women as \”sex objects\”- not as people with feelings. They can’t deal with an attractive woman without thinking of having sex with her in the background; I doubt many women have this problem with men! In the debate on teen pregnancy, I’ve heard teens have sex because of \”raging\” hormones. This is undoubtedly true for most guys, who are so desperate to \”get laid\” they don’t care about the consequences (pregnancy or disease).
But for girls, who have sex- their motive isn’t lust; but rather the desire for physical intimacy; peer pressure, simple curiosity, apathy and boredom; the belief they must \”give in\” to avoid being dumped by their boyfriends (\”if you love me, you’ll do it\”); and to feel \”grown up\”, \”cool\” and \”popular\”. And some girls, esp. fatherless girls, are so desperate for male affection, they exchange sex for \”love\”. Most girls seem unaware that a lot of guys will lie (and say almost anything like \”I love you\”) for sex- i. e. , \”men give love for sex, and women give sex for love\”.
However, just because women don’t lust for or enjoy sex as men do, that doesn’t mean, of course, women can’t be sexually promiscuous. After all, I’m not suggesting sex is an unbearable, disgusting ordeal for women like in the old Victorian notion; nor am I saying girls aren’t interested in sex- it’s just that statistically their interest is an order of magnitude less than men. Some women simply exchange sex for favors. There’s the old Hollywood cliche that aspiring actresses have to trade sex for casting favors- just a business transaction. Most prostitutes are, of course, forced (even sold by their parents! nto it, esp. in 3rd world countries, because of sheer urban poverty or drug addiction (overpopulation- \”excess supply\”- cheapens human life I suppose). But some willingly choose prostitution, esp. the \”higher-class\” operations, because of the relatively high pay. For such women, casual sex, is just a job and \”doing\” a bunch of guys is no big deal to them. It’s been said that men want sex for the sake of sex while women trade sex (\”always in exchange for\”).
Prostitution and pornography then are simply the seedy side of capitalism (supply and demand). Sex sells\” and men are the main consumer target. Sexual \”modesty\” in women then is primarily due to the fact women simply don’t desire sex as men do. But it’s also due to fear of pregnancy and disease; and because female virginity until marriage is promoted in much of the world by strict parents, especially by fathers. (Note: teen mothers tend to come from fatherless homes. ) Many girls are raised to be \”virtuous\”- shocked and embarrassed about sexual matters. (As is sometimes the case, a genetic adaptation is reinforced by a cultural adaptation.
Also, some women are aware that most \”men are pigs\” and so are wary of men; there’s the old adage to women that a man’ll lose respect for them, if they sleep with him. There’s nothing new in all of this: before the sexual revolution in the US, men were historically viewed as sexual predators, which is why chaperoning used to be a common thing. Hell, I’ll take a cheap shot at television too- TV sitcoms like NBC’s \”Friends\” may be funny, but they depict sex as recreational fun w/o any real-world consequences or dangers; and they depict men as \”cute guys\” rather than the sexual predators most of them are.
In Islamic nations, women are required to wear veils and \”modest\” clothing and they’re often blamed for sex crimes perpetuated by men. (If the woman had been more \”modest\” like not allowing herself to be alone with a man in the first place, the rape wouldn’t have happened, so it’s really her own fault. ) In all fairness, though, women shouldn’t be forced to wear veils; rather men, the true \”guilty\” party, should be required to wear blindfolds! It’s a vicious double standard, but it’s so common. In the West, women (only attractive ones, of course), who wear \”sexy\” clothing are still often blamed if they’re raped; i. , they were \”asking for it\”. For ex. , I read of a jury in Florida, which acquitted a rapist because the victim had been wearing a \”tight\” skirt. Men, who wear \”sexy\” clothing, though, aren’t raped; not because of compassion, but because of a lack of sexual interest among women and (most) men- apathy, not kindness, prevents most crimes.
Men’s bathing suits are far more revealing than women’s, but how many men are raped for wearing a flimsy bathing suit? I’ve heard it said that men can’t be raped because sex is so pleasurable for them, i. e. f force was used to initiate sex, a man would come to enjoy it so much, it wouldn’t really be rape. But this isn’t necessarily so as any guy who’s ever been kicked in the balls can attest; or as male prison rape victims well know. The implication of this, though, is that only women can be raped because sex isn’t as pleasurable for them. But if they really do secretly desire and enjoy sex like men, then they can’t really be raped (\”forced to have sex\”); and many macho rapists insist their victims were really \”asking for it\”. But, of course, that delusion is the motivation for them to commit rape.
Like if a girl is \”slutty\” (wears revealing clothes), and flirts with men; some men will see her as \”legitimate prey\”; or if a woman invites a man into her home after a date, some believe she \”deserved\” it, if he then rapes her. All of this really shows that some men are looking for any excuse, no matter how flimsy, to justify rape; either because they want sex by any means necessary or due to misogyny. It’s delusional- just like some men are so arrogant and egotistical, they want to literally \”conquer the world\”. I suppose some rapists hate and resent women for rejecting them; or for not consenting to \”sex on demand\”.
Or because they hate their mothers and hence stereotype, and despise all women. ) They think \”wicked\” women tease them while really wanting it just as bad. That’s not true, of course, but since when has truth mattered in human affairs? (Is it a elk’s fault, if a leopard hunts it? ) In other words, they hold other men to a different and FAR more lenient standard (due to an absence of malice) than they do women simply because they don’t desperately seek to have sex with other men. Some psychologists and feminists contend rape has nothing to do with lust, but is really all about power.
This is certainly a factor in some cases; some men do rape women to \”punish\” and humiliate them and I’m sure this is a big factor in male prison rapes. But let’s face it, there are many rapists who do it just for sex; they’re simply thieves that steal sex just like some steal money and property. It has nothing to do with power then. Men who have sex with drunk and incapacitated women (like that male nurse in Florida who impregnated a comatose woman); or who use \”date-rape\” drugs like Rohypnol fall into this category I suppose.
But there’s also an undeniable link between male sexual lust and sadism and violence (something undeniably predatory about sex). In locker rooms, men refer to sex as \”fucking\”, \”banging\” and \”nailing\”; not \”making love\”. Some violent men are domineering and abusive to both men and women; but some are like that only to women. Consider wartime accounts of atrocities in which soldiers just shoot the men but rape the women and cut off their breasts and butcher their bodies.
Or consider the far more common occurrence of men who terrorize their wives/girlfriends, but not other men. [Note: sexual deviations like fetishes, voyeurism, exhibitionism, child molestation, sado-masochism and porn addiction are almost exclusively male-related. ] In his long-running \”Gor\” series, fantasy writer, John Norman, repeatedly expounds the belief that all women, esp. the \”uppity\” ones, subconsciously desire to be dominated and subjugated (and repeatedly raped) by a powerful, masculine warrior with a giant penis, i. e. \”real man\”. But then, he is writing fantasy (for a male audience); by definition, fantasy is escapism, a denial of reality! However, this is a very common attitude, esp. among the most violent members of society like drug and biker gangs. Also, hardcore pornography, whose audience is overwhelmingly male, wallows in sexual sadism and violence against women. Just like pro-wrestling (all fake) and Hollywood action movies pander to male power fantasies (e. g. , \”lone male wipes out all opposition in a blaze of gunfire\”) to sell tickets.
Porn is blamed for giving men impossible standards of female beauty. (Well, all mass media can be accused of that. ) And obviously, the growing incidence of male porn-addiction due to its easy availability over the Internet is an \”unintended consequence\” of the visual nature of the male sexual libido. Porn has also been blamed for \”encouraging\” men to rape because it caters to male rape fantasies (delusions), often depicting women (and children) as enjoying being raped and as eager and willing participants in deviant and degrading sex.
But, of course, these women (usually dirt-poor; or drug addicts; or failed actresses and models) do the porn for easy money; not because they’re \”eager\” participants. The ugly truth is that porn makers script and produce what their overwhelming male audience wants to see. So what does that say about human nature? As previously mentioned, serial killer, Ted Bundy, blamed porn for his misogyny and his sex crimes, but that’s just an excuse.
Rather, the danger of porn is that it appeals to, encourages, and brings out the \”worst in men\”. When I was in high school, I read a letter in the school newspaper from a female student, complaining about male students, who’d chant \”rape her\” at the screen during movies. In a follow-up, several students thought she’d overreacted. Granted, most of those suburban white male students won’t actually commit rape themselves; but still, action isn’t that far from thought… certainly, it’s that attitude that leads to \”date rape\”.
