‘Shame and Blame’ effects teenagers negatively at home and at school through the accumulation of a decaying amount of pressure said teenager has to carry. Shame, a painful emotion caused by a consciousness of guilt, shortcoming or impropriety, is but a symptom of others blaming you more than you are used to. And the idea of blaming others with no real evidence, led by a fierce impenetrable thought (that may or may not be only temporary and fueled by anger) seems childish and in turn, is a projection of how unhappy and cowardice one who chronically blames is.
Now, to shame another individual and to claim it’s solely for the purpose of teaching them, and ‘definitely’ not out of anger and ignorance is similar to hitting a person and hoping they remember the punch in its intensity the next time they feel like doing what you felt was wrong. In the moment you might feel it was right, when really when done to certain people, it’s the worst thing you can do.
You may be convinced that as humans we are faced by an extensive amount of trails in which we may travel, and you simply placed a swinging branch in the middle of a trail, let the branch hit its prey, then hoped said prey will remember the pain and never consider the ‘wrong’ trail again. But with teens and children for example, “the sheer weight of these feelings can be too heavy, too unrelenting” and “a child or teen Doesn’t’t understand these feelings” and the fact that they may get easier.
Overall any feeling is magnified when a person has less experience (as teenagers and children aren’t ’t known for being experienced) and by placing a metaphorical “swinging branch”, you’You’ve just pushed a teen/child into a hole that may seem impossible to get out of, when really all you intended was for this teen/child to be conscious “of the potential consequences of their actions”
Some may argue ‘well, my kid is much more experienced than others, he can handle a hit from the “swinging branch’, when really, that’s not too true, as teens we go through lots of changes and carry lots of stress, obviously not bills or college homework, but the beginning of a new lifestyle in applying for jobs at fast food places and hoping we get to go to our favorite college. It’s the acceptance of responsibility and the great amount of change which marks the beginning of our stress phase.
As for children, they haven’t experienced much stress and their day to day routine consists of beating physical restrictions, exerting large amounts of energy, and playing with other kids, so it’s natural for kids to be more sensitive to the ‘Shame and Blame’ ideal. Many parents may struggle in discovering a way to discipline their teen and they may go directly to a shame and blame technique since it’s so easily accessible and, because of social media, it’s now a popular disciplinary action.
Many parents resort to shaming over the Internet since they feel it would make change quicker knowing all the people you talk to over the Internet are watching you be punished for doing wrong, yet again believing that the “swinging branch” would scare you away from the ‘awful’ trail. But the amount of stress a teenager carries after being shamed publicly because more of an issue than a solution in the long run. Sara Au and Peter L. Stavinoha provided options for discipline instead of shaming in their article “The Psychological Effects of Shaming Children”.
The options are: Allowing “the natural consequences of their actions to manifest”, “Positive reinforcement of the behaviors you DO want to see”, Acting “like a coach”, and insisting on “apologies and restitution”. Whilst listing these alternatives they also recommended reinforcing “limits consistently” and making sure you aren’t ’t over reacting on what your kid did wrong In the case of slut shaming, just one form of shaming altogether, Sherri Gordon states “The new scarlet letter that teens are dealing with is much more permanent and much harder to handle.
Their scarlet letter is in the form of ‘slut shaming’ on the Internet”. She clearly states that teens who are “sluts” are being put on blast and anything they do which looks sexually inclined is assumed to be them hunting desperately for sex. Some may argue “well, these girls are sluts, shouldn’t ’t they be called out? As a precaution to protect everyone at the school from these girls who sin” but really it’s not our job to make precautions, if someone seems dangerous, confront them on it and let them know what makes them seem dangerous and a provide a solution where both of you can take control of the situation.
Lots of people claim they want world peace and they wish the world was more safe for our future kids and grandkids, when really all we have to do is confront the people we fear, because if as a society we befriend those we are afraid of, being comfortable in other situations seems much more simple. Now I’m not suggesting you go and befriend a man who threatens others, carrying a gun around trying to uplift his “business”, I’m merely suggesting that we as humans stop fearing humans for being human and we make an attempt in trying to end rumors and make sure the truth is the only thing being passed around.
Another reason people shame is to degrade those who may surpass them in popularity, success, or anything else people put value on. In all honesty this seems like the most ignorant way of beating the competition. In the business world, entrepreneurs wouldn’t ’t put their hard earned money into a business they didn’t ’t know how to steadily progress.
And if they do steadily progress than that’s good but, you shouldn’t ’t look to a contending flower shop and make rumors on how their business owner sold drugs to keep his business alive, or how his employees aren’t ’t trained correctly its best to make financial decisions that make your flowers more appealing to customers, or like business’s do now a days, demand Niantic place a pokestop near your business so more Pokemon Go players at least visit your shop to collect free in game items and maybe even buy someone a bouquet.
Basically what should be illustrated throughout this paragraph is that if you believe someone may surpass you, it’s ignorant to push the competition down, because all you’re doing is wasting time on someone besides yourself and you are cutting off the amount of progress you can be making during that time, and yes it’s okay to look at others and say you want to be like them or maybe even better but don’t hurt them to do so.
The coping strategies we use to deal with being shamed are equally as bad as being shamed and are represented by the following: “Attacking or striking out at other people”, “seeking power and perfection”, “diverting blame”, “being overly nice or self-sacrificing” and “withdrawal”
The lasting effect of shame on teenagers is described by how it constantly informs teens on “an internal state of inadequacy, dishonor, or regret” making us want to exclude, or hide ourselves, and overall as teens we begin to feel badly about ourselves rather than what we did wrong since our mind magnifies the intensity of the situation making it harder to deal with then if an adult was put in the same place.
And with this, teenagers must deal with the circumstances of being shamed because someone decided to shame. Shaming (especially with how magnified the feeling is for teens and children) should not be used: as a method of disciplinary action, to warn others of a “slut”, to promote your business, or to place a “swinging branch” in someone’s path. Shaming is wrong, from how it is perceived to how it is dealt with, and the toll it takes on the victim’s life.
