After a tragic event, people often hold loved ones close, and hug them a little bit tighter, and appreciate them a little more. After seeing my big brother commit suicide, I did the exact same thing. September 23, 2009. I was on my way home from school like any other day. I saw a police car race by, I didn’t think much of it. But when the big yellow bus turned the corner there was no where to go. The whole street was swamped with police cars, ambulances and fire trucks. Every kid on the school bus had her face glued to the windows, trying to get a peek of the bright flashing lights.
For them it was a show, for me… I was just confused. The bus dropped me and my neighbor off at the end of the street since there would be no way to fit through the narrow opening. Walking down the street I wondered what was going on. Is somebody hurt, was there a fire? My heart started to race and my mind was spinning with a million different ideas. We got closer and I waved goodbye to my friend as she crossed the street. I got to my house and nudged through the officers to get to the door. Madness. As soon as I stepped into the front door of my house It was complete madness.
There were a bunch of trangers in uniforms talking to each other and as I scanned the front hall I was in utter confusion. No one even noticed me, no one was telling me what was going on. I plopped down my bag and sprinted up the stairs. As I turned the corner, I looked over to see my brother on a stretcher and my mom clutching his arm. Splotches of blood peeked through the white bandages covering his wrists. My mom’s head jolted in my direction and I could tell she was trying not to let tears overcome her. “I didn’t expect you home from school so early. Just go to your room, you’re not in trouble. I just– I’ll talk to you later.
Don’t worry everything is gonna be ok. I love you. ” She kissed my forehead and the paramedics brought them to the ambulance. I yelled down the stairs as they were leaving, “I love you mommy and | love you Tommy! ” They disappeared into the ambulance and shot down the street with the sirens echoing through the whole neighborhood. My head was spinning and I couldn’t get a grasp on what was going on. Everything was so loud and I couldn’t even manage to hear my own thoughts. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. Tears began to stain my face, What’s going on? I mean, I knew my brother was a little weird, but he was ine.
At least that’s what I thought. About ten minutes later I had calmed myself down and the chaos seemed to simmer down. I peeked my head out of the bathroom door and the house was vacant, and silent, everything seemed to be back to normal. I heard a faint sound coming from my parents room. I walked in and my little brother, Sammy, was curled up in the middle of the bed with his Ninja Turtles blanket, watching TV on the bright screen in the corner of the room. “What’s going on? ” I said, still shaking. “I don’t know, me and mommy were downstairs eating a snack and the phone started to ring.
She answered it and a few econds later she told me to go to her room. Then I heard her scream and then all of these guys got here a few minutes later. I just stayed in here. Is everything okay? I’m scared Mimi. ” I sat down and wrapped my arms around him. “Everything’s gonna be okay. ” We watched TV until my older sister, Victoria, came in and got us for dinner. After dinner, my mom called and told us that she and my dad were gonna’ stay with Tom for the night and that she would have Victoria bring us to the hospital after school and she would talk to us about what was going on.
I gave the phone to Sammy and I went upstairs to go to sleep. I layed in bed for awhile just staring at the popcorn ceiling in my room. I looked over to my nightstand and my clock said 10:23. I had already been sitting there for over an hour. Then I heard rumbling in Sammy’s room through the wall and then my door squeaked open and his blonde hair peeked through. “Hi Mimi, I can’t sleep. Can I come lay with you and you can read me a story? ” “Sure, why don’t you go grab some books and ‘Ill pick one. ” He stumbled back into his room and returned with a pile of books.
Goodnight Moon was on the top. I grabbed it and he put the rest on the floor and jumped into my bed and snuggled p next to me with his blankey. I read to him for about 10 minutes before his eyes drooped close. I put the book down, turned off the light, kissed his forehead and rolled to the other side of my bed. The next day, Victoria picked me up from school with Sammy scrunched up in the backseat playing on his tablet. I scooched in next to him.
“Do you know whatt’s going on Vic? ” I shouted from the back seat. A little bit, it’ll be better if you just waited for Mom to explain it to you when we get to the hospital. ” I was confused. I mean in my little fifth grader mind, I had a bunch of movie scenarios stuck in my head. Thinking maybe that what was happened to my big brother. We sped through traffic and made our way to Johnson Memorial Hospital. Victoria, Sammy and I walked through the front doors of the children’s wing, greeted by the bright blue walls that were lined with funky pictures of animals and other goofy creatures.
We walked up to the front desk and Victoria started talking to the receptionist. Hi, we’re here to see Thomas Kerrigan, he’s our brother, my mom said this would be a good time. ” “Hello! Let me take you! ” the receptionist chimed. She took off her headset and came around the desk and bent down in front f Sammy and I. “Hi guys! Now your brother might look a little different than you’re used to, but he’s okay now, so don’t be scared. Also, there are a bunch of other sick kids here, so make sure you’re not too noisy as we go through the halls. ” She stood up and turned to Victoria, “Alright so Tommy is in room 804, follow me! ” We followed the receptionist into the elevator.
The heavy metal doors opened and the cheeriness that we were greeted with vanished in an instant. The walls were gray with nothing on them, there were no toys and I started to get anxious. Sammy and I clutched Victoria’s side as the receptionist rought us to the lounge. “You guys wait here and watch TV, I’m gonna go get mom and we’ll be back in a few minutes. Don’t make any trouble. Okay? ” We both nodded and turned to the TV. But even though I was watching TV, my mind was elsewhere. What was going on? I thought. Is Tommy sick? Is he gonna die? I snapped out of it when I saw my mom walk into the room.
Sammy ran towards her and latched onto her arm. They walked over to the couch and she sat down next to me lifting Sammy onto her lap. “Hi Sammy! I missed you so much today! I have to talk to Mimi now so Vic is going to bring you down to the playground, okay? ” Sammy jumped out of my Mom’s lap ran to grabbed Victoria’s hand and they left the room. “Hi sweetie, how was school? ” “It was fine. How’s Tom? Is Tommy dead? ” A tear rolled down my face. “So I know this is going to be a little hard for you to understand but I want you to know what’s going on.
Tommy is very sad and he decided he didn’t want to be sad anymore, so he started to do some very bad things. Do you know how you’re in D. A. R. E. right now? ” I nodded. “Well they tell you about how sometimes when people are sad or mad or become friends with the wrong crowd, they do drugs. That’s what happened with your brother. And when people do drugs, they make your mind think silly things and make you do bad things that you might not do if you didn’t have the drugs. With Tommy, they made him very sad. Sad enough that he didn’t want to be alive anymore.
The only thing I could think was that he was dead, my big brother is dead and I never got to say goodbye, I never got to tell him how much I loved him and I’m never going to see him again. I clenched my mom’s hand. She wiped the tears off of my face and started again, “But Tommy was lucky, before he decided he wanted to kill himself, he called his friend and told her what he was going to do. She called me and that’s when I went upstairs. He cut his wrists and took a lot of pills so that he would die. He lost a lot of blood, but we got to him in time. His friend saved his life.
Tommy is alive. But he does have some damage. We don’t know if Tommy will ever be able to live on his own again. Or wake up. ” My heart seemed to slow down and then all of a sudden a rush of tears came over me. My brother was alive, I fell into my mom’s arms and sobbed for what seemed like hours. Finally, my mom pulled me off of her. I wiped my tears and she gently grabbed my shoulders and our eyes met, “Do you want to go see your brother now? I nodded. We walked into the hall and pushed an intercom button to be let into a big room split into a bunch of smaller private rooms.
As we stepped foot into the room it was silent. The gray floors were shiny and the lights flickered. I heard a few muffled machines and a faint beep here and there but it was silent. Like something bad had just happened and no one wanted to be the one to speak first. As my mom and I walked, I gripped her hand tighter and tighter. She led me into the room and on the wall there was a whiteboard. Goal of the Day: To be happy. I looked over to the bed where my big brother was laying down. He seemed to be awake, but when I reached to touch his hand, there was no response.
Tubes were coming from every angle all connected to Tommy. I stood there for a moment before I sat down at the foot of the bed. “Mommy? Can Tommy hear me? ” “Right now, Tommy is in what is called a coma, he is still alive, but he can’t talk or move. Some people say that when someone is in a coma that they can still hear you. You can talk to him if you want, but know that he won’t respond, but he still might hear you. I’m sure he’d be very happy to hear your voice. ” “Okay.. ” I cleared my throat, “Hi Tommy, It’s Mimi. ” I paused to ee if even though my mom said he wouldn’t, maybe he would wake up and say hi back.
He didn’t. “Well Mommy told me what happened, and I just wanted to tell you that I don’t want you to be sad anymore. I don’t want you to think that drugs will make you happy. I don’t want you to die Tommy. I want you to stay here and be my big brother. Okay? I really, really love you, and I hope that you’ll wake up and we can go climb trees again and that you can help me with my homework. I like when you do that stuff. ” | sat in the room for a while. My mom left to go get Sammy, but they wouldn’t let him in because he was too young. I thought that was stupid.
It was almost nine o’clock and my mom came in to tell me it was time to go, I walked up to Tommy and kissed his forehead. “Bye Tommy, tomorrow at school I’m going to draw you a bunch of pictures to hang up so when you wake up your room can be happy. And you can be happy. I looked up to my mom, she smiled at me. “Tommy would love that, sweetie. ” This went on for weeks, I would go to school, and Victoria would pick me up and we’d go to the hospital. After the first couple of days, Tommy got moved to another room. I visited him everyday for weeks. It was the same routine.
Go to school, go to the hospital, hang out with Tommy for a bit, and then wake up the next day and do it all over again the next morning. Everyday! lost a little more hope. It had been over a month and Tommy still hadn’t woke up. Eventually I stopped going in everyday, it wasn’t worth it. February 23, 2010 had marked six months. Six months from the accident, six months from the last day Tommy would ever speak a single word, six months from the last time Tommy would breathe by himself, eat by himself. Six months had gone by, half a year, and the last little bit of faith I had was gone, and so was Tommy.