I got a ride home from school just like any other ordinary day in October of 2013. It was more than two years ago but I still remember every unpleasant moment, starting from when I walked in the door. My sister, Kaitlyn, sat on the couch in our living room yelling at her phone, who I soon found out was my mom. This wasn’t surprising for me since they had been arguing all Summer due to our move to Hawaii in June. However, what came next would shock me and scar our relationship for several years to come. Kaitlyn hung up the phone and immediately went to her room.
I walked in there and watched her as she took out her suitcase and started packing all her clothes. I was confused at first but soon realized what was happening. She was leaving. As soon as that clicked in my head I felt tears build up in my eyes, blurring my vision until they finally raced down my cheek. I kept asking, “Where are you going? You can’t just leave! What even happened? ” Apparently this triggered tears in Kaitlyn’s eyes. She didn’t stop packing but she finally responded, “I’m going back home. ” Hearing those words come out of her mouth made my whole body freeze, my heart stopped and I was motionless.
She grabbed shirts, and jeans, then money, and I couldn’t do anything but just stand there, in awe, and watch. Kaitlyn laboriously shoved clothes in, all unfolded and wrinkled. Her room was an absolute mess and looked like a tornado came through and ravaged her closet. She provided no explanation as to what could have possibly lead to this dramatic of an outcome. However, she promised to make it up to me by buying me Starbucks. This gave me a sliver of hope for her return because she would have to come back to deliver the order.
She continued to pack away her life into a small suitcase, and in the back of my mind I knew at some point my mom and my sister’s relationship would burst, and now was the time. Kaitlyn dragged her suitcase out of her room in what seemed like five whole minutes. So many emotions and thoughts flustered around in my head. Shock, consternation, anguish, heartache, and several other feelings built up in my chest that I could barely get a word out. Time slowed down as she haltingly took her steps out the door. During those scarce and limited seconds, memories of our summer together came flowing back up from the hollow depths of my brain.
We both enjoyed continuous days on Makaha Beach at our vacation rental for three full months. Neither of us had made any friends yet and we only had each other. One night that carved its way into my long term memory and reappeared into my thoughts at this particular moment, was the evening we spent gazing at the stars. It was only us, no other surfers or spectators or boys could touch us, it was just me and Kaitlyn and the sky. We spent a lengthy amount of time searching for shooting stars and admiring the clearest night sky that either of us had ever seen.
To make it even more perfect, we had the sound of the crashing waves and the soft, cold sand in between our toes. The smell of the salty water and the harmonious sounds of the ocean blended with the blue canvas and sparkly lights, creating one of the best memories of my time in Hawaii. My conscious evoked that vision as her hand turned the stridulous doorknob of our townhouse. After recollecting that memory, I managed to obtain movement in my body. I followed her until I reached the imperceptible barrier that divided the house and the outside world.
I knew I had an obligation to stay and there was no logical way that could help me follow her, so I stayed inside. Strangely, I had nothing to say to her, no encouraging words to stay and no crying pleas. My mind was blank as she walked down the steps to the curb and into her boyfriend’s car. Remarkably, there was nothing left to say. I shut my front door and sat on the couch, my mind in disbelief and unable to comprehend what just happened. Home alone, I sat there with just one feeling protracting in my heart, and that was abandonment.
My sister and my only current friend abandoned me on that island, with no one close to age and no one to consult to. Now it was just my mom and I, since my father happened to abandon me as well when I was one years old. This happens to be a recurring theme in my adolescent and childhood years and there was nothing I could do but wait for my mom’s return from work. My mom was aghast, of course, and deeply emotional similar to how I was. We spent the rest of the evening trying to contemplate how to fix this but we also gave her some space. Then, we went to sleep, both staring at the ceiling wondering how our lives had gotten this way.
The best part of my entire day was, and still is, the immediate, split second when I woke up. I opened my eyes after a pleasant dream and, just for a moment, forgot everything that happened the day before. The birds began to wake up and the Hawaiian sky was a serene light blue with a dash of pinkish-orange to illuminate the morning population. It was as if my life was perfect and my body was thoroughly reenergized after the calm, soothing slumber. Then, that good part of my day ended, and I snapped back to reality. I hastily grasped the juncture of the night before.
At six in the morning | started getting ready for school and remembered the promise my sister made to me. Excitement and optimism discharged throughout my entire body and gave me the strength to get up out of bed. I apprehensively waited for my sister to text or call me to bring me my Starbucks but I soon became impatient. I decided to open the front door just to take a peek because my inquisitiveness was decaying my insides. There it was, my sliver of hope vanished into thin air within an instant. On my front porch was a Starbucks bag with a cinnamon roll and a hot chocolate, and Kaitlyn was nowhere to be found.
