Aaron knew that changing his statement maybe wasn’t the wisest decision but he was scared. When he first wrote his statement, describing that Kasim deserved everything he had coming and that he was proud of what he had done as well as enraged that Vic pulled him off the homophobe, the plan was to try to get the worst sentence he could imagine. After what happened with Katie, with punching Robert he deserved everything that was coming for him. But he was scared; who could blame him when the last time he was locked up was hell.
He had time to think sitting in the cell his mind wandering thinking how much he hated himself and how much he craved… no, wait, it wasn’t just a craving. Yes this is an addiction but it’s way more than a crave. He needed to feel the sharp pain of relief and of solidarity that reminds him that he is human. He is human. Yes sometimes he feels like all he does is hurt people but he is human. And humans make mistakes. They have emotions. They feel angry, upset…. scared. Thinking like this made him realise he couldn’t face prison like this. Couldn’t cope for the duration of the sentence he deserved.
He had to change his statement. “This statement completely contradicts everything you have previously written Mr Dingle. I don’t think it is wise to change your statement so close to the trial. ” “I’m not having my own account being a lie. I need something on my side. Anything” He just hoped, begged it was enough. He knew he was going to prison. He adminted the crime. He knew that nothing could prevent him from getting sent down. After all, he was being charged with GBH and that isn’t exactly the best offense expecially with a record and previously being on trial for ABH.
He knew there was no escape from a cell but he was hoping he would be able to go back to his fiance soon, he wasn’t sure how long he could cope, Robert had grown to mean everything to him and he was so scared Robert wouldn’t want to stay if the sentence was too large. He shook that thought out of his head, knowing that Robert would never cheat on him. Trying to know at least becuase it wasn’t that he didn’t trust Robert it was sustainable that he knew he could never be good enough for him and desevered so much better than him.
Why should you expect somebody else to love you when you can’t even loved yourself? But the thing was, Aaron loved Robert like Robert was himself and he spent so much focus on loving he couldn’t tell her was loved back. Maybe he didn’t know what being loved fealt like. Being loved becuase of who he is not becuase he is family. As expected he was found guilty and sentenced to 12 months imprisonment, managing to persuade Chas that it would probably be 6 months if he managed to stay out of trouble. He knew that wouldn’t be easy but he also knew what the stakes were.
If he just didn’t retaliate he couldid stand a chance of not loosing his fiance and that’s all that is important to him. He knew how it worked. Fill out your medical records, get searched, change into the super flattering tracksuit.! Oh well at least everyone wears the same thing. Even if it is impossible for people to see how good his ass looks in jogging bottoms. Not like he was going to cheat on Robert but it is nice to know people want you. And finally get escorted to your room. Where you get to learn who it is you have an extended sleepover with.
Extended sleepover, extended to 6-12 months. His room mate seemed nice enough, for a criminal. Aaron was slightly concerned about his size. He was well built which probably means he has been here a while and, Aaron was convinced getting on his bad side could result in a nap that he wouldn’t wake up from. “You been inside before” the guy asked, seeming friendly but you caneed never be completely certain of people’s intent when mind and opinions are completely changed from one day to the next. “Yeah” aaron replied not overly paying attention.
He was too busy trying to soak in his surroundings. Get used to the noise before lights out, hoping that getting used to the noise now would mean an easier nights sleep. Not like he would probably get any sleep the first night anyway with the stiffness of the mattress and the new environment: both things he would get used to, but the biggest problem was not something he could overcome. Robert. Or more specifically the lack of. He hadn’t slept by himself for a while, choosing to stay awake until it was impossible to keeps his eyes open in jail.
And he wasn’t sure how that would work out. He started thinking about how homesick he was buthe before he got emotional (thank God, he didn’t want to deal with crying in prison) his train of thoughthe was interrupted. “Great makes my life easier. What’s your name kid? Aaron didn’t like the idea of being a kid even though this guy looked 10 if not 20 years older than him. “Aaron” “You’re Livesy? Why didn’t you say sooner, I heard about your adventures last time you were in here. You’re actually a legend.
What you did with the food, you revolutionised prison” “Dingle now, had my name changed, I didn’t exactly do anything I just mixed dessert in with the rest of the food” “Aah new identity. Yeah gave it some flavour you did” They continued talking about whatever came into their minds. Anything to pass the time until it was time for the meal. Aaron noticed it wasn’t just 3 or 4 inmates that chose to eat their meal the way Aaron had liked his last time he was inside, but the whole prison. Every single convict eating food his way.
It was almost like he was the jock in the trashy high-school movies Vic made him watch, setting the trends that everyone else followed. By lights out Aaron was feeling increasingly better about staying here, however his peacefulness didn’t last long as it was now time for the much dreaded first night. He lay awake staring blankly at the door of his cell. For the first hour or so, he just stared his mind empty too exhausted to do anything else. But his body had found its way sunk into the mattress and he was starting to feel more able, which meant his mind started drifting.
He thought of everything he has done wrong. How he never read his dad’s letter and his mind filling with possibilities of what it might of said. I’m sorry I did those horrible things to you. You deserved everything you got and if I stood any chance of getting out you would be sure to pay for what you did to me. how DaRE YOU try and set me up like this. It is times like this he really wished he could get his hands on a blade. He knew it would be possible eventually but he had, so far, only been out of his cell once and that was to eat. He neededid a blade. That would be tomorrow’s goal.